I'on even feel like bloggin'....and WHAT?

Okay, THERE!

I SAID it!

My ADHD is so bad....I'd have a topic to blog on, in the parking lot, then lose it as soon as I walk in the house. My daughter calls it "scatterbrainitis".

Moving on....

Mike Tyson is lame. "Ohhhhh I'm so distraught over my baby's death...I'mma go marry someone else 5 hours later". Loser.

In other news...

-Adam Lambert is....*looking around*...GAY! Please tell me who the hell's surprised by that.

Anywho...

-I found myself lusting after my Hubby's bestie when he took his sweaty shirt off to change into another. I think he did it on purpose though....but he looked like a dayum sculpture. OOh.Wee.

...by the way...as you get closer to 40, are all of these lusting and poncing urges normal? I've been going through (...and acting on it) ALOT.

-I must have a twin around here, because I got CUSSED OUT in the Red Lobster parking lot, until the woman got close enough to see my face. Purely accidental. Her eyes got huge and her hands flew over her mouth with "OMG! I'm so sorry Ma'am!". However, I feel sorry for whoever the hell "Shay" is. Her gon' get her a$$ BEAT!

-I'm totally getting the short-timers attitude. I feel like tellin' everyone to Piss Off. Besides the economy, and my love for the Corps, I kinda wanted to stick around so my retirement "Letter from the President" has the "O's" signature on it. None of those letters have been distributed. *shrugging* Could be that the Prez is tryna save the Planet and get a Five Guys' burger along the way.

-I've been sleeping in the backseat of my truck during lunch for the past 3 weeks. It's my husband's fault. Since he's been home, my IQ has lowered a lil' bit, 'cuz we're sitting up watching Family Guy at night. I think he should pay for all the gas I burn up, tryna keep cool as I sleep. Punk.

-For the hate-filled bastard who deemed it necessary to shoot up the Holocaust Museum and kill the Security Guard, there's a special place in Hell for you....and lots of people want to speed up your trip there. Way to go, A$$hole.


-My really good friend's husband decided to tell her that he didn't want to be with her anymore....a dayum MONTH before he came off of deployment. Yeah, there's evidence that there's another woman. I hate him so much for that. She grew up in the foster care system, and had no family. He and their girls were all the family she's ever had. I saw him running the other day, and I swear to God I wanted to speed up and crush him. God forgive me, but I'm hurting for her....and I can't pray for him right now, 'cuz I want him DEAD!

...and that's not nice.

Oh my White Baby Jesus!

I can blog from work again!!!!

Freakin' WOOOOOOO!

Okay, I don't really have anything to talk about, but I just wanted to point that out. Alright, yes I do.

Razor moved me to write a long sad a$$ letter, telling him that I'd always care about him, but we're past due to move on. I even suggested that he and his wife seek counseling because (woman to woman) I know she feels that what they have is worth fighting for. I saw him graduate and dipped out one of the side doors as soon as Chief Instructor dismissed his class. I know he saw me as soon as the theater lights came on....and I swear I had to be speedwalking to get to my truck.

...I couldn't even look in the rear-view.

In other news....

Why did I get busted out by a Churchmember....while I was at Priscilla's? Yanno the joint..."where fun and fantasy meets"? Well HELL! It's been lightyears since ummmm... yeah... that, and I'm just prepping for my Hero, with some neat lil' ....toys. The bed of marriage is undefiled...can I get an Amen? Well, she didn't say anything, just grinned...but her grin looked a lil' devilish on Resurrection Sunday when I saw her again.

On to somethin' else....

Mega T green tea gum's the bomb. I haven't done anything that remotely looks like a sit up or crunch, and my pouch is getting smaller. *shrugging* maybe because all I want to eat now are Triscuits and salads. Hubby sent me a pic of what he looks like now....

WELL Sir!

I can't have that man coming home looking all Ryker's cut...and I'm sitting here looking all fluffy.

Anything else?....

Oh yeah. We went and picked out my daughter's prom dress. She looked exquisite, and Mommy fought a losing battle with her tears. I just have to talk her out of those 4.7 inch Jimmy Choo knock offs. I swear the girl looked like she was on stilts.

Not this again...

Caution, this is kind of long, and I'm tellin' my draws (as my Grandmother would say)

Okay so as usual, I'm sitting at my desk, madder than snot, that we're at work on what seemed like one of the coldest days in NC. I'm all bundled up...everything short of a snowsuit, and he walks in.

At first, my mouth just drops open, and I initially run around my desk to hug him. Then I stopped, barely a foot away from his outstretched arms, and put my hand out to shake his...

"Well well well, look what the wind blew in. How ya BEEN?"

He grabs my hand and pulls me in, and hugs me anyway. "I'm good. Better now that I see a familiar and friendly face. How have YOU been, Sweetness".

I hated when he called me that. Made me feel so dayum vulnerable.

So I pull away and start asking him 101 questions. Stuff like

What brings you here?
How's your wife?
Where's your wife?

You're not stationed here, are you? (had he been, I was driving to Quantico VA to GET me some orders!)

How long are you suppose to be here?
Couldn't you take this class at YOUR duty station?
(Why do I feel my stomach doing flipflops?)
(Why am I shaking?)
(Why does he still wear that cologne?)
(Is it fresh?)
(Doesn't he know it still drives me insane?)
How are your kids?
Do you and your wife have any together yet?
When are you leaving?
Do you have orders?
Are you leaving soon?
(Is that dog tag tattoo still on the left side of his chest at the bottom of his rib cage?)
(Does he have to keep smiling at me like that?)

So he says "I'll be here for a month, so we have plenty of time to catch up".

*wondering what his version of catching up meant*

I've got Marines doing everything short of moonwalking past my office because they're trying to see who this man is in my office. As much as I wanted to close the door, I couldn't.

Someone would've had my Husband on the satellite phone in a New York minute. LoL

So we sat and talked. He told me about getting shot in Iraq. That still weirds me out. I always had a child-like sense of awe when it came to this man. I always figured that as much as he had been through (i.e., Desert Shield, Desert Storm, and Operation Iraqi Freedom), he could get through anything unscathed.

Then he told me how he and his wife had a baby. It was a girl (the first girl for the both of them), and he was truly devastated when they lost her. Imagine how foolish I felt when I asked to see a picture of her before I realized he said it was a girl. From there, they have just been "existing" as a married couple, so he said. We sat and talked so long that I didn't realize that it was past time to leave...and believe me when I say that you're normally looking at the back of my truck at 1631. I'm just not one of those bosses who believes in keeping folks at work when we really have nothing to do.

A few days later, I get a Yahoo Messenger message from him (dayum. forgot i gave him that), asking about what kind of night life did we have here....in this all but one horse town. Now me in my infinite wisdom, told this man that I barely lived 2 miles from the club.

He did the dayum math, and showed up in front of my house!

Well duuuuuh Tiki! There's only one housing subdivision going west of the club. A big a$$ chromed out Yukon isn't that hard to find in our neighborhood. Okay, so I did plan on going out with a couple of my girls just to drink and cackle and whatnot....but I curse the day that one of them called at the last minute to say she wasn't feeling good. I told him not to make a habit of that...make that his last trip in my neighborhood, let alone my house.

Conspiracy?

I think very deeply.

Okay, so I stopped being so standoff'ish and me and my girl follow them there. I see a few friends and hop at the chance to dance with them and socialize. I just knew Razor was waiting to catch me for a slow song. Now mind you, one of my friends, "Mack" (about the only man D doesn't mind calling the house all the time) is gay as the day is long. The fact that we were dancing like a high school chaperone was standing between us, didn't help any. Well, he was the only man in the I could stand that close to...and not get a reaction from. *shrugging*

I turn to walk off the floor as soon as Vivian Greene's CURSED starts to play...

And I'll be dayumed if Razor didn't reach me before I made it to the table.

Ohhhhhh nooo.

That heffa said "You were my love, you were my first".... and Razor was indeed the first in alot of things I learned. Then this wench said "I was too serious, you wanted to have fun". She was singing everything I felt back in the day.

I wanted the dancefloor to open up and swallow me.

Razor messed with me, mentally, far more than the old flame from Poetry Night.

I said "Razor, I can't do this, so let's stop, alright?"

He hugged me, rested his chin on the top of my head...like he use to do...and I thought I was about to start swinging because...I wasn't in control.

My friend met me at the edge of the dancefloor and said "Bathroom. Now". And me, like a puppy, followed. I walked in the bathroom saying "Girl, I'on know what happened to me out there"...kinda sparing myself the "WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?" question. It didn't work. She started nailing me. "GOT'DAYUM GIRL! You still feelin' him ain't you! You let him get to you girl, and he KNOWS it! D isn't neglecting you! He's in phucking harms way, Tiki!"

*sigh* like I wasn't thinking that the whole time I was dancing with him, right?

I got read the riot act, and I couldn't do anything but stand there and take it. She was right about everything she yelled at me. I love the girl, but I swear I wanted to slap her when she shook me. I ain't need to be snapped out of anything. Hell, it felt weird knowing that not only had those old feelings resurfaced with a vengance in a matter of a couple of minutes on the dancefloor. but I felt guilty as sin, thinking of someone else they way I would think of my husband.

I need some closure in the worst way. Funny. I thought my marriage was all the closure I needed.

I need to sit down and write a letter. I can't leave this open for any kind of interpretation.

Double dayum.

My own lil' post secrets

Since SOMEbody doesn't like to be associated with CHIT.TER.LINGS, I decided that I'd update my post some more things about myself...the more uhhhhh...personal side of me.

1. Everytime my ex mentions a scripture or a Sermon he heard, I just look at him like "LIAR!".

2. I only call my mother just so she won't leave me stupid voicemails like "Hey Tiki. Just calling to see how you are? Just calling to check on my grandbabies? My phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. You only got one momma". All along, I'm thinking "heffa shutup. You have only one daughter...but you treated everyone BUT me like your child".

3. The post secret I saw earlier, said "I used bad hygiene to purposely give my husband my cold because he was such a d**k to me when I was sick"....ditto. Somehow, I had developed bronchitis, and it was the sickest I had ever been. The S.O.B. handed me a pack of Theraflu, told me he PROMISED to meet his friend and his wife at Applebees for drinks. So I made it a point to NOT wash the sheets, not spray everything down with Lysol, nor wipe anything down like I normally do when I have cooties....his a$$ was sick as a dog. He was always such a puss when he got sick.

Guess who found something else to do with her time, for the entire week that he was sick? Yours truly.

4. I should have given my ex his ring back the first time he got loud on me in public.

5. Sometimes I hate when D calls me from Iraq. I can hear how sad he is, no matter how cheerful I try to be.

6. I haven't talked to one of my childhood friends in over 14 yrs because she took my ex's side. I told her that I was just venting...but she went off the deep end.

7. Not a dark secret....I secretly applaud the Male Marines when I see them dating big girls. Don't try changing her. She's not a project. Just love her.

8. I'm glad when I see that old boyfriends look nasty now.

9. I have 2 girlfriends that I think are nutcases...but afraid that they'll off themselves if I tell them so.

10. I use to put up "walls" just to see who cared enough to reach me...I'm too old for that mess now.

11. I hate when rusty grown people who do #10. Get some freakin' help.

12. I hate facing people who told me not to marry my ex.

13. A Marine friend of mine is still trying to convince herself that she was right for leaving her ex-boyfriend...stating that he is stupid and immature. If only she knew...he's been a wonderful husband to someone else for 7 yrs. I can't tell her...it would break her heart.

14. I still like proving my mother wrong. She's a total naysayer.

15. I have an Uncle Ruckus in my family.

16. A childhood friend told me he was gay. I told him that I always knew he was.

17. I've sent D "listerine" to Iraq monthly. I hope postmasters don't read my blog.

Where Chinese & Southern Zodiac Meet

BTW, I's a Catfish


What's your Southern Sign?



Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand. See the list below:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20): Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19): Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful - they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20): You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20): You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21): When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21): Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23): Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23): Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things; that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23): You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22): Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21): You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you--old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.

Pet Peeves revisited

FOOL IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! Duuuuh!

So, I was sitting there, getting my truck worked on....for the THIRD freakin' time since November 4th. Hmmmm...now that I think of it, it was Election Day and I was wearing ALL BLUE, so maybe one of the mechanics took it personal and SABOTAGED my whip...It's a CONSPIRACY Maaaaaan!

Anywho, It was about 40 degrees out, clear sky, and colder than a dead man's d**k...so I've heard. In walks this lady in a sweater, with a stroller.

What is Lil' Momma wearing?

A sleeper.

Not a coat, not a blanket, not even a cap.

A.SLEEPER!

Insult to injury? Momma's sniffling!

Why, oh why do some people think babies can deal with the cold?!?!?

My kids would be SWEATING because I had them in layers, like I still lived in Michigan.


RECALL MY FOOT!

Okay, so mind you, I'm in the shop to get my truck fixed. They say it's the Cluster (brain). All of my dashboard instruments are going nuts.

-Says I'm "empty" when I have a full tank
-Says my tire pressure is off, even when I've used several gauges for accuracy.
-Engine lights pops on, when there's nothing wrong
-Says I have 100% oil life, when I know I only have 500 miles left before the next schedule oil change.
-Heat comes on, even when I have all the dials on cool air.

Etc....

I received paperwork about a Class Action suit on Tahoe, Yukon and Surburbans manufactured between 2002 and 2005, but they won't honor it because there isn't a 2005 recall on my model....yet this is the 2nd Cluster that "malfunctioned" when they installed it in my truck. Hmmmm...looks like....

GENERAL MOTORS DON'T WANNA GET UP OFFA MUH' MONEY!

Okay GM, thanks for feeding me, getting me braces, getting that marble I tried to shove up my cousin's nose and stuff....but I'm grown now, toting my children everywhere in that thing. Y'all gone mess around and be forced to give me all that loot from the Bail Out, 'cuz I'mma SUE if y'all keep playing with me.


DON'T Y'ALL JUST LOVE TECHNOLOGY?...not a rant.


Remember when your bad report card didn't make it home?

I just took an automated phone call from my Elder kids' Principal...saying that there are 3 pieces of information to expect upon my son or daughter's arrival home.

1) Report card(s)
2) The overall report for the entire High School
3) A letter in regards to "no child left behind"

I'm almost scared to see the "overall report", because truth be told....there are some dumbass kids up in that spot. I'm just sayin'...


CHILD SUPPORT...GRRRRR!

I'm about to go and get Judge Judy, because this man is trying my patience. So Dude gets laid off from his job. Collected unemployment for a couple of months and didn't deem it necessary to give me a little something for the children. I HELPED him get the job that he has now had for 5 months....and STILL didn't think it was necessary to give me anything.

Guess who was pissed when they received a letter from the CSE people?

Yup.

It was him.

Calling my job, wanting to speak with my Major...WWWWHAT?!

Questioned the hell out of the kids, wanting to know if they knew what I was doing.

Left me a nasty email, telling me how I SHOULD have handled it....which I kindly forwarded to the Supervisor at the local CSE agency.

I swear, I'll be EVER SO HAPPY when my children no longer require help, because he acts like he deserves accolades for doing right by them financially.


AND I THINK I BETTA LET IT GO-O-O

I had to cut ties with yet another friend. Seems that she relies HEAVILY on others, when she's more than capable of doing and getting better for herself. I lent her one of my vehicles, for 2 months, so she could save for her own. I let her stay in my home also, for the same reason. Now why did the heffa walk in the house with a COACH BAG AND BOOTS?!?!?

I'm like "Ummm Lynn, Honey? WTF?!?!

"Oh! Aren't they cuuuuute! I went to Raleigh this weekend and got them."

"In MY car?"

"Uhhh yeah? How else was I gonna get up there?"

"Maybe I should show you my water bill, my electric bill, and feel free to open the fridge because the food's almost gone".

"Dang Tiki, must you always bring up petty shi-"

"You know what? I'm about to help you pack and call you a cab".


That was Monday....

If I never see her a$$ again, it'll be too soon. It wasn't the first, nor the second time she did something like that, but that was insulting and the last straw.

HAAAAA!

Okay, so Single Ladies has been my joint for a minute. I've also become a fan of Alphacat on YouTube.

Oh hell. Just watch it for yourself.

Girl, me too.

I think I done messed around and fell in love with America....flaws and all.

I can't even be mad at him

Since when did Headstarters and Kindergarteners have homework?

Anywho, DJ was kneeling at the coffee table, while I was here on the PC, doing his homework. It's picture of the words that he's suppose to sound out, write the first and last letter of that word.

DJ was determined that Mommy was gonna do it, and not him.

DJ: "Mommy, what's this word?"

Mommy: "Errr, Errrr, RRRRuuuuuNNNN"

DJ: *blank stare*

Mommy: "What letter makes the ERRRRR sound?"

DJ: *hunches shoulders* "I'on know"

Mommy: "R makes the ERRRRR sound. What letter makes the NNNNuh NNNNuh sound?"

DJ: *looking at the Skittles on my desk* "I'll tell you if you give me some."

Mommy: "Boy don't play with me".

DJ: *pouting*

This went on for about 30 minutes.

Every word, he looks at me like "...and this one?....and this one?...."

I was about to throw it outside.

In walks Miki. He's on the word "Vacuum".

Mommy: "VVVVuh, VVVVuh, VVVacuuMMMMM starts with what..?"

DJ: "F!"

Mommy: *throws up hands*

Miki kneels down and holds up two fingers.

Miki: "DJ, what letter does this look like? What am I holding up?"

DJ: "DEUCES!"

Mommy bursts into laughter and gives him a handful of Skittles.

ForGET it now, man

So much for tapping into my inner-stripper.