Platonic Friends while YOU are in a Relationship

I was lurking on a message board, right? I say lurking, because most of the time, I refrain from replaying to some of the stuff I read, for fear of causing WWIII. I was reading how this girl had many male friends, due to her time in the Navy (understood. I have a few of those too), BUT in other discussions, she had vented that she felt her man wasn't emotionally there for her.

Hmmmmm....

Personally, that's setting yourself up to slip and fall on some binkbink. I mean, think about it. Your man or woman hasn't been paying you much attention, and along comes this person, who you may not have been in close contact with over a number of years...finishing your sentences, knowing your thoughts better than the person you share your bed with, and so on....

What do you do?

My husband and I were talking about this and his reply was...."In the course of 10 1/2 yrs, I've met just about every guy you were friends with. There BETTER not be anymore".

Him so comical.

I hope he knows that applies to him too.

My life according to Google

My life according to Google

Type in the following and choose the first choice:

1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Tiki needs a home (great! so now I'm freakin' puppy!)


2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Tiki looks like a selfish cry baby. Errr uhhhh, I KNOW you ain't talkina me. Shooot! I think I know who they're talking about tho.


3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Tiki has no regrets.


4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Tiki Hates Detroit!
Da hell? I was born in freakin' Henry Ford Hospital, how the hell is that possible? If our economy and job market wasn't shot to hell, I'd move back there in a heartbeat! Google's BUGGIN'!

5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "has gone" in Google search:
Tiki goes DOWN?
Oh wow. That's too easy. Well did he at least buy me dinner first?


6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Tiki loves her toy.
HAAAAAAAA! I'mma leave that alone.


7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Tiki eats a bone. Lawd I'm DYYYYYIN'!


8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Tiki has big game.... Yes.I.doooooo! I'm freakin' hawt Yo!


9: Type in "[your name] died" in Google search:
Tiki died of old age. Well I kinda hope so.


10: Type in "[your name] won't" in Google Search:
Tiki won't work.... huh? That's all I've BEEN doing for over 19 yrs. I'm ret' ta punch the clock for the last time and retire.


11: Type in "[your name] can't" in Google Search
Tiki can't resist cheesecake. Uhhhh actually I CAN, even tho I could go for some cherry cheesecake right about now.

Yaaaaaay!

Bloggerbuds, we weren't the only one thinking of Barack and Michelle Obama doin' the chest bump!

http://tv.yahoo.com/the-view/show/253/videos/8378445

Why come....?

-You're offering me food when I can't stand the person that gave it to you...your wife?!

One of the guys walks through the office, sharing one of those "Edible Arrangements" fruit basket thingies. Now here I am, salivating because I've been feigning strawberries something terrible...pluck one off a skewer and bit right in to the of the mutated strawberries...then you tell us your wife bought it for you on behalf of your daughter.

No shame. I immediately spit it out and rinsed my mouth out. No disrespect to him, but me and the guy's wife had words. Earlier in the year, Miss Thang cried "wolf" about him swinging on her. I made him stay in the barracks and away from home until they both cooled their jets...then a complaint gets filed against ME because I was "keeping him from his family". Da hell? Then the lil' heffa saw me at the mall and was all nicey nice... Whatchu say? Lil' Girl ain't know she's open game outside the Base? Shooooot!

On to the next one

-If you have cheated, why is "sorry" suppose to make it better? If you're brave enough to tell your husband or wife that you have cheated, why would you act like you're the one being disrespected, and why wouldn't you brace yourself for their reaction?

Duhhhhh!!!!

Next.

-Why don't you know you smell awful?

If I have given you the info you're seeking, and you won't leave, why STAY and stare at me like I've done you wrong? True story...about 30 minutes ago, this man walks into the office. It's hot. He's been sweating. Somewhere along the line, it has dried into his uniform...but he's stewing it in. He's a cross between sour and cattle.... (are y'all gagging yet?)

But he won't stop talking to me.

Then his phone rings and he starts talking, lounging, even...I say "You know you can do that over there *pointing outside*, right"? He says "No that's okay". "No. Really. Outside". Did he really want me to tell him that he smells like must and curded milk?

See? My bloggerbuds be TRIPPIN'!

Got tagged by my girl Miss Behaving to participate in the following meme...

Most of my songs are old school...like late 80s and early 90s.

Here Go Da Rules:

1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
I Touch Myself - DeVinyls

Y'all think I'm playing. That's like #128 on my iPOD.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Don't go breaking my heart - RuPaul and Elton John (Elton originally did it with KiKi Dee in the 70s)

Dang. I sound unstable as hell so far, don't I?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Microphone Feign - Eric B and Rakim

*shrugging* I'on even know how that's suppose to describe what I like in someone. Maybe that would be like IF you step to a mic, ya best know what the hell you're doing.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Don't Walk Away - Jade

I'm really sounding like I'm unstable AND have issues with abandonment. Splendid.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Tap the Bottle (and twist the cap) Young Black Teenagers

Great! So now I'm unstable, needy AND a drunk. Fab-u-lous! Ahh O Ahh...biggity boo knock da boots!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Cupid - 112

*shrugging some more* I'on know. Maybe because he sings "But you won't know unless you give it a try". That was a nice...umm...nooky song back in the day too.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Where Will You Go - Baby Face

There I go with that needy mess again.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
King of Rock - Run DMC

Ehhhh! That probably describes both. Pops really does think somebody oughta be calling him Sire.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
None of Your Business - Salt n' Pepa

Well, that's about right. I do wonder sometimes..."What's the matta witcho life. Why you gotta mess wit' mine."

WHAT IS 2+2?
Express Yourself - Salt n' Pepa

*contorted face*

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Pull Up to My Bumper - Grace Jones

See? That's just dayum nasty!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Shining Star - The Manhattans...

Awwww. I call my husband my Moonhanger, so that's fitting.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
This Love - Maroon 5

*sigh* I really REALLY sound crazy now.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Don't Cry - Seal

Don't look at me in that tone of voice! I'on know WTH that's about either....but Seal is the man tho.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Prayer for the Dying - Seal

That's scary as hell. NEXT!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Crazy - Seal

LOLOLOLOL! I was breeded from crazy folks. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black??

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
If I Ever Lose My Faith - Sting

Okay. That's bad juju

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Set Them Free - Sting

WOOOOOOOOW! *fighting the urge to scroll through my songs*

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Turned Away - Chuckii Booker

*raised eyebrow*

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
More Bounce to the Ounce - Heavy D.

Okay I'm reaching. I like secretly like big men?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Easy Does It (Do it Easy) Heavy D.


WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
I Want You - Marvin Gaye

Okay who am I finna tag without getting cyberslapped:



Durty Mo

Aziza (this will be a serious challenge for her, considering she's RARELY on here!!)

JAINE BLLLAIZE'uh! (Cuz I know ya lurkin')

LuuUUUUKE! (Hate me later. I know you share stuff like this with us on a regular anyway).

Nikki (She hooks us up with podcasts anyway so this ought to be easy for her)

For obvious reasons, I'm not tagging TANYE.TTA on here. Even Ellen DeGeneres called her a Freak of Nature. I ain't never seen nobody make a 3 pointer with a freakin' coconut. She may as well had made the shot from the hallway!

Have a good weekend!

Did I just hear you right???

I'mma just throw everyone off and call her "Beth".

Something's off. Maybe hell week is coming and I haven't noticed, maybe I'm growing impatient with stupid folks' logic, maybe there's really something to the mercury in retrograde stuff, or some people are really really trying to justify doing stupid stuff.

So last night, Beth calls to talk to me about her newest ex. I use to think she just had the worst luck with men, because this is already her 3rd "serious" man in a year. Anywho, she's rambling and I'm uh huh yeah'ing her while I cook....

Until she said ....

"I told him I was tired and I wanted to go to sleep, and he got pissed"

"Girl it happens, just do the 'grownfolk' some other time."

"I mean, just because it was hot and I was naked, didn't mean I wanted to sex him"

*long pause*

"You laid next to a man....naked and thought that you were going to just drift off to sleep...with NO pokey?"

"Well he needed to practice some self control. Anyway, he was buggin', saying that I was trippin' and stuff, right? So I got up. Put my clothes on. Woke up my kids. And we left".

*staring at the phone*

"You did wwwwhat"?

"Mmmm Hmmm Yuuuuup. Woke up my kids and we bizounced! Girl I was tired, the kids were tired, and we got go alllll the way back to my house at 1 in the morning. Dayum he so selfish".

"Beth? Sweetie? That wasn't smart at all. You had your CHILDREN around this dude? How long have you known him"?

"There YOU go. *lip smacking* Anyway, I met him when he married Sergeant sew n sew. We just start kickin' it. They separated now. He got the house".

"Ummm Booboo, they're not separated. She's on emergency leave. Her Mother is dying".

"Oh. So that's why she didn't get all her shyt out the house. Well she need to hurry up 'cuz I don't play that. I.don't.share.men".

"Child did you hear me? They're NOT separated! Beth I gotta go. My head hurts".

*smacking lips again* "You know what....."?

"Girl Bye"!

Fastforward to this morning, when I get an email. "You think you perfect when you not. That's okay. I forgive you".

So I clicked on.... "Deleted, Not Read".

Then my cell started blowing up. I let it go to voicemail. This heffa is yelling like I'm one of her kids, about me acting stank. *rolling eyes*

Sooooo I pulled off the gloves....then sent her an email, threatening to dime her out to ol' boys wife, complete with address, phone number, what she looks like, make and model of her car...the whole 9, if she didn't stop bugging me.

I haven't heard from her since.

Hell, I might still blow the whistle. Okay NOT blow the whistle....but throw mad hints like "oooh girl I was reading this article. here's the link. dang that's foul"! Orrrrr leave a typed note on her car right before she gets off work, just to make sure no one spots it but her.

Okay, that's just plain evil, but I hate knowing something that personal about someone, then being in limbo about whether or not they should hear it from me.

Looka all dees roaches!

(Now y'all know I wasn't about to post a pic of a REAL one, didn't you?)

It's official. I need to take my children back to the hospital and start from scratch.

Daughter didn't have to go to school for her EOCs but my son did. I'm getting ready for work, DJ's on the bed trying to make somebody tie his shoes. See, he knows how, but he won't do it...yet, he tells you when you're doing it wrong.

Okay, so I tell Cam to go start my truck and hit the A/C. I hear the door open, then shut abruptly...then a bunch of scuffling...then Miki screams. I roll my eyes. The girl is terrified of spiders. A couple of minutes go by, and I don't hear the truck's engine. So then Cam comes walking in while I'm combing my hair out of a wrap and says somewhat nonchalantly....

"Ummm Momma? There's a wa.ter.bug in the house", then walks away.

"No FOOL! It's a ROACH!!!", echoing from the other bathroom.

I shiver at the thought of one of those T-Rex of the roach colony getting into my house, then I look at him and ask "Why.aren't.you.killing.it, acting man of the house"? He just shrugs and stand there. Well since Momma was the one wearing combat boots, I stumped down the hall....only to find my daughter standing on top of the toilet with wide eyes.

"Girl they fly. Get down goofy".

"Momma, he ain't leavin' til he KILLS it"!

"Girl shutup and get down".


I go into the kitchen, with all my offsprings hovering behind me (smh) and grab the broom. With Crocodile Hunter precision, I crept up on it. Cam taps me. I jump. Miki screams...and the dayum thing starts flying again. So then I'm swinging like crazy and ducking at the same time. Cam's about to bust his behind, slipping and sliding in his socks, trying to get away from the thing, and Miki's screaming and doing the windmill thing with her arms....then screams even louder because she hits it with her bare hands onto the floor.

KILL IT MOMMY! *higher shrills* KILL IT!

I'm the one wearing boots, right?

Seems logical to stump on it, right?

Nah Uhhhhh!

The little girl in me kicked in and I started tap dancing, and

It landed on my carpet!

So...

I BEAT it to death with the broom! (Eww. I need a new one now)

Okay so the beast is twitching and whatnot and no one wants to pick it up.

I said "Shoooot! I did the hard part" and walked off.

I come back in the dining room a few minutes later and all you can smell is oranges (pine-sol multipurpose clearner), and half my roll of paper towels were sitting on top of the garbage can. All that to pick up a freakin' dead roach.

Everytime I hear a flutter, I get paranoid.

Fist Bumpin'

What's up with all the overANALyzing?

C'mon now!

My kids give each other the fist bump when they bowl better than us. My Bishop gave me a fist bump at choir rehearsal a couple of weeks ago. Me and my Galactic Twin Sistafriend do it after we've scored like a hundred pair of shoes in an outlet store. Most of my younger Marines give me a pound when they report in or leave for the day. Hell, me and my husband give each other the fist bump after some serious sex. So good, I'll get up and make his behind a sandwich AND a frosty beverage, sometimes.

Hell, y'all oughta see me when my husband is playing basketball for his Command's team. I'm worse than Fatman Scoop.

Anywho, what's the big freakin' deal?

I always thought the fist bump was teamwork, a greeting, a farewell, REH'spect, "job well done", "high 5", or whatever the case. We even pound and high 5 at Church when "the Ecclesiatic Leader of our Flock has delivered an excellent spirit-filled point within the confines of our Diocese"....(I was flowin', right? Or did you just say "Girl, stop".)

Y'all know what would've REALLY been funny?

If Barack and Michelle Obama would've done the chest bump instead.

I'm just sayin'....

NEVAAAAAAAHHH!!!

(Disclaimer: That one ain't mine, but it's close)

Dear Yuki

I hope you're reading this...

Mommy loves you. I don't care what these folks say, we belong together.

I remember *sniffling* driving you off the lot for Christmas almost 2 yrs ago. Even though you started to depreciate as soon as I put you in "drive", it was orgasmic. I had to let your predecessor go because some Navy Squid Boy HIT.HER, and she was never the same (No offense Kayla. I was angered).

Then Mommy got a bright idea and put you on 22's. You're s'freakin' hot, Yuki. It's like riding a tank with a trigger hair steering wheel. Put my lil' tag on the front that says "It's a Girl", so no one would make the assumption that I was driving my man's whip. You know someone can siphon 2 tanks worth of gas outta your big a$$, so Mommy locked your lid. Daddy's leadfoot having a$$ wants me to get rid of you. This will involve counseling....on his part, because it ain't happenin'.

If Mommy has to take a few days of leave to save gas, I'll do that.
If Mommy has to post one of her offsprings on gas tank watch, I'll do that.

You'll be staying with me for the long haul....plus I have kids to put through College, so you're definitely staying for awhile.

*singing mahkee-dada*

Momma Luh you, Booboo Biscuit

~Tiki

Hillary, honey?

Can you back off long enough, for Barack to do his Victory Lap?

I mean, seriously. No sooner than I saw the breaking news on CNN, you're out here "throwing" your name in the hat for VP...don't get mad if Barack doesn't "catch it" for that very reason. I don't care if RuPaul or Flavor Flav became his running mate...that's his call. I'd be a lil' iffy about putting someone on my ticket that smeared the hell out of me too.

You didn't win, Sweetheart.

I admire you to no end, because you didn't give up, when folks were all up in your ear, back in April. Hell, I would've kept going too, had someone told me to take a dive. The two of you just made history, but it's not about Barack, it's not about you...it's about us.