"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for". -Epicurus


On that note..... I stole't this meme from she

Edit (6/1/06) been hanging out on Will's blog, and felt like changing up my blog o'tainment. Don't sleep on Train. Only one grievance.... NOBODY compares to Heaven, but I guess if you can fall from a shooting star, you must be the hotness.

1. How tall are you barefoot? 64 1/2" and I say 1/2 with CONVICTION

2. Have you ever flown first-class? No, but my daughter did. We were on the same freakin' flight too, and I'm still mad about it.

3. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Judy Blume's "Tales of the 4th grade nothing" and "Superfudge".

4. A good restaurant in your city? I'm in between homes, but if I'm anywhere near an Olive Garden.... I'm there!

5. What is your favorite small appliance? My juicer.... I know, sitting up in the middle of the night, watching Jack Lalane drag RVs into a lot by his dentures, so I bought a juicer, thinking I could do the same.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? Linda. She can be serious as cancer, but she still manages to make me laugh. I won't even talk about the funeral we attended together.

7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? "This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway

8. What was the first music that you ever bought? Either it was the Krush Groove soundtrack, New Edition, or something by Prince.... think it was the "Around the World in a Day" tape. Yes, I said TAPE!

9. Do you do push-ups? Yes. 10 rep, 4 count. Sometimes more, when my Marines are pissing me off.

10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? "That's my carrrrr"! aka BINGO!

11.What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Cornish hens, Collard Greens and Roasts, and I can make a mean "no bake" cheesecake too!

12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a nurse, then I realized how sqeamish I was, so that dream died

13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Lilly (my granny) would make this Chicken noodle soup to die for..... she passed away, and my mom jacked the recipe.... she still cain't do it like Granny tho.

14. What in your life are you most grateful for? My health, my hubby, and my babies. Grateful for just getting up...my mom and dad... and all the step parents I was "suppose" to have, because Greg, Al (R.I.P) and Reggie always treated me like the daughter they never had.

15. Have you ever met someone famous? Yes, Ready For the World used to hang out at my cousin's high school.... standing in front of the Gold Porsche with tinted windows a lil' too long, and out pops Melvin Riley. I met Shanice Wilson while buying a Steak and Cheese sammich, Hyde Park, in Pittsburgh.

16. Date Of Birth? 08-08-70

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:

"Are these gummy bears RRREALLY fat-free"?

"They need to put Ma Huang and Ephedra back in the diet pills, cuz I ain't losin' nothin'"!

"Lawd I hope I don't screw up that veal recipe I stole"

WHAT THE HELL WAS #18, SINGIN'?

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
Water
Pepsi
Coffee
Tea
Water

20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?
The Virginia-Pilot, and CNN.com

21. Current hair? Sewn in weave like a mug!

22. Current worry? my growing waistline. Diet and exercising ain't stoppin' it from expanding.... however (comma) that Relacore stuff not only helps you lose weight, but ya man might like what it does to your LIBIDO. *end public service announcement*

23. Current hate? Hate is too strong, but I dislike manipulative, hateful people, opportunist. Not talking about people who seize the moment.... I'm talking about the bastards who 'gon "get theirs" and screw the rest.

24. Favorite place to be? By my got'dern self.

25. Least favorite place to be? In meetings at work. My eyes be rolling back, it be hot as hell up in there, and they're looking at me like "Sorry we're keep you UP"! *rolling eyes*

26. Do you consider yourself well organized? Lets just say that I know where my MESS is

27. Do you believe in a afterlife? I believe there's a heaven.

28. Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? Sitting at the Naval Academy, grinning and watching my son graduate, cuz HE'S GOING! He just don't know it yet.

29. Do you burn or tan? I burn! I peel! And when the sting goes away, I exfoliate, get the nasty dead skin offa me.

WHERE'S 30???

31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Optimistic

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? About 2 months ago, when I watched my husband and his boys attempt to play football while under the influence. Dude got CHOKE SLAMMED by a freakin' branch. I'm sorry. It was funny then..... and I laugh everytime I look at him. Stupid monkey.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Always and Forever.... LOUD!

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? I saw Granny cut a chickens head off and that sucker TOOK OFF running in my direction.... and I use to think the headless chicken was coming to get me because I didn't stop her.

35. What’s in your pockets right now? Pin drive, locker key, Blistex, and a dollar in change.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Reminiscing about the headless chicken chasing me

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? I tried to draw Wonder Woman on my white sheets because mom wouldn't buy any novelty sheets..... and got my azz KICKED!!

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? My newly formed boobies. I was in the 4th grade playing soccer. I was the goal keeper. I blocked the penalty shot, but I had a really hard time trying to explain to the school nurse what happened.

39. Favorite song? Israel in South Africa "Not Forgotten"

40. How many TVs do you own? 4

41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? Do cyberhugs count? Drunken stupors? If so, I told a whoooole lotta folks I loved them.

42. Last thing that made you blush? When I got carded for buying wine, then she freaked because she's only half my age and asked me what I use on my skin. DRINK YOUR WATER FOLKS!!

43. Best Compliment received? It's retarded but my husband says I have peaceful breasts, because I can put everyone in my household to sleep by letting them lay their heads there.

44. What song is in your head? "Be Blessed" Yolanda Adams

45. What is your favorite book? Still, "The Color Purple".

46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Fried chicken breast and pasta w/vegetables.

47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? "I Betcha Cain't Do It Like Me"! cuz I GOT 'EM!!! Okay seriously, "Secret Lovers"..... No really, "Giving You the Best that I Got" by Anita Baker. It rained so we didn't get to have all that. That was our song to our first dance. I can see someone actually playing "Shake it and Jiggle it" for the procession at their reception.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? My Help, Praise Jehovah, and Well Done, which I think was by James Cleveland.

49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? Pushing my husband back on his side of the bed.

50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I'on know.... I'll tell you if and when I get more than 5 numbers on that lotto ticket sitting in my glove box.

Gimme da Heebie Jeebies

Remember I said I wasn't a scary person, in my last entry?

I lied.

In bootcamp, we heard stuff like "Keep f***in' around, and we'll march you right into the Ribbon", and the hair would stand up on our necks when we heard, "It's time for a lil' "Midnight March" ladies"..... some of us knew what was meant by that, but I didn't. 17 years in the Corps, and I knew absolutely NOTHING about this.

And so it goes.....

April 8, 1956, Platoon 71 was lead by a frustrated and intoxicated DI (Drill Instructor) into the Ribbon Creek. Out of 75 men, 6 would drown. Nowadays, we call it filly-farting, lolligagging, and grab-assing. All these terms meant the Recruits were goofing off. His intentions were to "instill" discipline into a bunch of Marines he considered "foul balls". There's no room on PI (Parris Island, SC) for goofing off! Behind the rifle range, there was the Ribbon Creek. Coming through bootcamp, at the Weapons Training Battalion, you could "feel" it, and for some odd reason, you were always on your best behavior. I never experienced a "sighting", but I always had an eery feeling while standing fire watch in those huge squadbays (open-barracks) at like 0 dark 30 in the morning. The Instructors made light of the whole thing and asked if we saw "headstones" while we were firing at the targets, or if we saw anything strange while marching to and from the range in the darkness. I never knew what they were talking about.

Hell, we were girls! We broke camp if we saw a POSSUM, let alone a "spirit".

We tried to be good, but my platoon STILL managed to get "dug" for looking at the male recruits and our Marksman Instructor, Sgt Tuuuuckerrrr *sigh* (Dude looked like Shaggy with a "Smokey" cover (hat) on). His eyes were those that seemed that they could look right through you. Dude had us all mesmorized. He would lower his head while still looking at us and say "I.want it.allllll".... and our lil' lonely behinds were like "Yeeeees Serrrrgeant Tuckerrrrr", as if we were in a trance or something. Tall and lanky, yet seeeexxay....

Oops! Where was I?

Oh yeah. Our guide would look at us like we were nuts, when we were clowning. She was older than all of us and a bit of a historian. She would only tell us bits and pieces of the story.... and until now, I only knew bits and pieces. Well today, my YOUNG Marine shared a little of it with me. I decided to do a lil' research. I was like "Hell naw! All this time I've been in the Marine Corps and I didn't know this story"? The Ribbon Creek was in the midst of swamp land.... nothing but snakes and gators.

Called up my friend, Bev, and amazingly enough, she never heard of it. So I called up her friend, and she broke it down. She told me the whole thing and explained why it's a must that we know how to swim before graduating and leaving the Island. She also explained that it has alot to do with the way Drill Instructors aren't allowed to "have their way" with recruits anymore. Back in the day, a wayward recruit would catch a beatdown. Rightfully so, the Drill Instructor would get dealt with.... which may also explain why alot of us old-heads think the younger Marines have no discipline, because it's a "kinder, gentler Corps".

I'll never fix my mouth to discredit the man, may he rest in peace, but I also would love to know, what the hell was on his mind when he marched several Marines to their death. Ain't that much discipline in the world! Someone, years ahead of him, managed to do the same, without injuries or casualties. I'm assuming he tried to pull it off, but failed, misjudging the depth and current of the creek. Guess he thought he'd scare the "slackers" straight.

I'm intrigued by what a few survivors had to say. Considering that none of these men were over the age of 20, I started to wonder what would their lives be like, had they survived. One Marine who drowned had lost his parents, years earlier, and I wondered what was going through his mind. It's been said that several men from this same platoon, went on with a pattern of misconduct (as we call it), and I can't help but wonder if the Ribbon Creek incident had anything to do with it.

No more night land navigation for MY bulack behind. Nah Uhh. I might have to catch a charge from that mess.

Is It Safe?

If youuuuu have to take a Motrin IB AFTER getting your teeth cleaned..... HELL NO it ain't!!!

In my infinite wisdom, I decided to check out my medical and dental records early, so I'd have less places to completely check out of, for the beginning of next month.

I .... really.... REALLY should've waited!

The dental tech said I needed to have my exam and cleaning next month, so I may as well do it then before checking out. Okay.... no problem. We set up the appointment for me to come back later in the day, yesterday. I get back to my office, and let my Officer In Charge know that I have to go back in a few hours to the dentist.

His eyes got HUGE!

"What's wrong, Sir"?

"Make your appt for next week SSgt".

Not trying to buck his authority, I said "Okay". Called back to reschedule, and they said they were booked solid the first week of June and I couldn't check out without my exam and cleaning. Oh well. I go back and tell my Major that it's a no-go and that I have to be back.

He says "You're a God-fearing, praying woman, right"?

"Yeah..... ummmm, why"?

"Start praying"!

and he pats my shoulder, holds his jaw, then walks away.

See, that was just wrong.

Time's up. Gotta go. I get there to let the tech know I'm back and I'm going to sit down. He says "Doc will be right out". "Cool"..... until I turned around.

My head didn't even come up to his rib cage. This big LERCH of a Dentist is standing right in front of me, and says "Come with me". "Uhhhh....uuhhhh, okay". I'm behind him and I swear the man looks like he's doing the Spike Lee glide down the hall. I hop up in the chair, and no sooner than I get comfortable, my chair is positioned as close to the ground as he can get me and fully reclined.

Okay, I was scared, cuz it DON'T take all that!

I was so low to the ground, I was staring at his knees. He was looking at my X-Rays and says "Soooo SSgt, you were about to cancel your appt today, huh? What's the matter? You don't trust me"?

"I'on even know you, nevermind trust you".

*evil chuckle*

He turns around, and I thought I was finna jump out my seat!! Dude had pale blue eyes with NO PUPILS!!!

*hearts beating fast just thinking about it*

"Open wii-iide" he sings. Me, "Nah Uhhh. Naw Suh"!

"Oh C'mon SSgt, won't hurt a bit".

"Devil IS a li-yah"!

He gets frustrated, "I'm not going to kill you, okay?...... *mumbling* They don't pay me enough".

Oh hell no

"Pardon me, Sir? You're fright-en-ing me, and I ain't a scary person. I tried to reschedule because I thought my Major had something else for me to do, and this could wait".

"Soooo no one was trying to warn... I mean talk you out of coming here while I was filling in here".

"Nooooo, but I now I know why he told me to start praying."

He just starts laughing..... I ain't see a dayuuum thing funny. He ordered me to sit down, but promised he would be gentle.

He put those funky sandblasting goggles on and I swear his eyes got BIGGERER. So I closed mine and started humming "This lil' light o' miyun...". He poked oooone freakin' tooth and said it looked like I needed a root canal. "Nah Uhhhh.... let it rot"!

Don't get me wrong. He cleaned the hell outta my teeth. They were even 2 shades lighter when he was done, but Jeezus! my mouth hurt!

The next time I get my teeth cleaned by a heavy handed Dentist, I swear, I'm drinking a bucket of coffee, smoking a whole pack of Newports, and swish some dirt and coffee grinds around in my mouth.

I'm 'gon make him work!

You Only Got 1 Moooomma....

*Sigh*

I can hear it like she's sitting in the same room and just said it...over and over and freaking over again. The guilt trips. The birthing stories, that change every year. I guess she'd be a wee bit embarassed to know that I TAPED that same story like 10 years ago....

She hates when I remember things like, "Ma, I thought you said I only weighed 7 lbs. Where'd the additional 3 lbs come in"? or "Momma, you said you had ALOT of drugs. So how does it really feel to be split in 2"? That's usually when I get told to "be careful" or "watcha dayum mouf girl"!

Mother's Day for me was great.... even though we went to Fuddruckers. I got tired of us driving up to places that had an hour wait, so I suddenly got a craving for a gigantic burger and said let's just go and have fun. I didn't really ask for anything...... I hate to say this, but sometimes, the gifts are corny, so I wanted to spare myself the heartache. I miss the days of the purple dog/monkey/cow or giraffes with watercolors. The homemade jewelry boxes. My little dude gave me a card with a bunch of colorful feathers and a picture of him cheesing really hard. Now that made my day. Those were the gifts that just made mommy go "Awww my wittle booboos". Those were the times when they did it just to see you smile..... Now? I receive the gifts that saaaay "Quitcha bytchin'! I gotchu somethin' (with your loot) a'ight"!

Okay, it ain't that crucial..... but I do miss those when you know your baby was genuinely trying to put a smile on your face.

As far as MY Momma......

See. What had happened wuuuuz.... I ain't put enough postage on the box, that was skinny enough to put through the slot at the Post Office, and it came back.....SATURDAY!! I put it in the mail last MONDAY..... so it's THEIR FAULT! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!

It didn't matter who's fault it was because I still had to hear the story....

"Aug 8th...almost 36 yrs ago.... I could've been watching Soul Train, but noooooOOOOOooo, I HAD to go into labor on a hot and rainy Saturday afternoon. I was "frozen" from the waist down because there was no such thing as epidurals in my day. The lady in the room next to me was screaming bloody murder, so I was scared as hell. I thought of an excuse to get your father out of the room, because I didn't want him to see me "that way". You took a blazing 3 hrs to get here, so I was really scared that I wouldn't get any drug. Despite you being 10 lbs, I handled it like a champ.

*rolling eyes. my birth weight is on the certificate i've had for over EIGHTEEN YEARS! sigh*

"You were a collicky baby. You wouldn't nurse"

*c'mon now! she ate collard greens with HOT SAUCE 24/7..... she probably tasted like POT LIQUOR!*

"You thought candy was part of the food group"

*you're serious right? you ate cough drops like it was candy, and you wonder where i get that from?*

"You only got one Mooooomma, and you couldn't even put my present in the mail on time"

*i love her too, but she still thinks my birthday is August 14th because I NEVER get my presents on time from her. she has one child...period. so why can't she remember to send MINE on time. huge exaggerated sigh*

I knew what it took to take get her mind off that.....lottery numbers. "Maahhhh-ma? I saw 3-2-5 in my dream, what 'dat mean? Auntie said you paid $32.50 for your new Church hat, sooooo...", and it worked like a charm. She could talk about money and numbers all day... bless her heart.

Let's take it back to da ol' skoool....

Yanno how you're always about to park your vehicle, and a song you haven't heard in a go-zillion years comes on?

So there I am, stuck in my truck. All that can be seen from the building is a bouncing truck and foggy windows. That would be me..... dancing in my seat, and singing off-key at the top of my lungs. Did you ever notice that for as long as you stay seated, you were the best dancer on Earth? That would also be me, getting hella-embarassed by my Major saying "Uhhh Sorry you have to come in and do petty stuff like your JOB!", then commences to bobbing his head and playing the air guitar, "Chuckii Booker? That was the cut back in the day".

Okay, am I late or was Troop a product of Chuckii's? Okay just checking. I've always wondered what became of him and them.

Now when I went to pull up this video, I wasn't expecting the retarded Listerine commercial to come first, even though I do feel like I've accomplished the same cleanliness you can only receive during visits to the dentist. While watching this video, I saw a few things that I now cringe from, everytime my kids pull out old pics of me.

-Spandex should NOT have been worn with heels.

-Spandex worn as outer wear, should be restricted when you have an onion booty.

-What was wrong with the dark skinned honies being the object of someone's affection, in these videos?

-Why did we pose with our fist under our chins? We looked we were giving ourselves uppercuts.

-Why didn't I burn those pics of myself with the asymmetric haircut and polka dot blouses?

-Why in the hell did we try to do the same thing we saw on those videos at the CLUB??? Y'all know we looked like Solid Gold Dancers.

-Why the hell did I sport my patent leather Marine Corps issued oxfords in to the club, with my baggy slacks, vest, and Chinese collared dress shirts. Yeah, I shopped in the lil' boys department to achieve this look, and therefore I now understand all the strange looks I got.

-Bolero jackets, tutus, Priscilla boots and biker shorts were NOT cute! Jodi Whatley could pull it off because SHE HAD MONEY!! We didn't.

-I know I'm not the only one who feels like doing the Roger Rabbit everytime I hear "Just Got Paid".

-Wet 'n' Wild is the ULTIMATE NO-NO in my house now. Fuscia anything is.not.worn.herrrrrre!

-Who did LeVar Burton think he was fooling with that freakin' BANANA CLIP over his eyes, on Star Trek?

-Why in 'dem hell didn't we talk the men out of Gumby haircuts with a nappy patch of hair on the back of their domes? By the way, do they still make S'Curl stuff? Or is that masked by "texturizing kits"?

Along with the embarassing stuff, came the stuff worth keeping in my memory bank. There was Allan, "Coach", Juan, Eric (who looked and acted like a shorter version of Malcolm X) and "Froggy" (a country boy who was always ready to fight somebody). No, I ain't smash 'em off, but we were all friends. When I needed a voice of reason, I always turned to Coach and Eric. If I wanted to make someone else jealous, there was always Juan and Froggy. When I wanted to just go hit a club, see a movie, or just get away, there was Allan.... who always told girls upfront that he and I were just friends. Okay, that happened ALOT cuz I was sooo not his preference.

LoL.... punk.

I Saw Him FIRST!!!

My cousin calls. Since we let bygones be bygones, I haven't heard much from her, until last night. She sounded really weak. Then I heard a baby crying. She asked me if I would allow her to give her newborn daughter my name, with a different spelling.

I thought it was sweet.

At one point in time....okay, ERA of my life, I couldn't stand this girl. Her mom (my dad's sister) gave her my middle name as her first name. Lil' snot was ALWAYS stealing my shine!

My aunt and her family lived a couple of blocks over from me and my mom, so we went to the same elementary school. I had to leave early every morning to walk her to school, therefore I didn't get to eat my Sugar Bear cereal. She would get in trouble for bullying little kids on the playground. She beat this lil' girl up because they were playing "Charlie's Angels" and SHE wanted to be Farrah Fawcett's character. Guess who got in trouble when we got home? Yup, Yours Truly. My class wasn't even at recess yet!

My mom gave her my favorite T-shirt that had "Lovely Leo" on the back.... and she's a Scorpio! My mom gave her my BARBIES! My Dad went to Madrid for some Naval Reserve drills (dayum he was lucky), so I didn't get to see him for 2 months. My beloved aunt asked Dad if she could give MY BIKE to Monie....

MY.BIKE!!!

MY Silver and Black Huffy 10-speed!!!! As if I grew out of the bike phase in the matter of 2 months!! I WAS ONLY 10!!!

Fastforward to Junior High (okay Middle School for those born after 1979). We were at the Sadie Hawkins dance. 8th grade for me, and 6th grade for Monie. Of course, the tradition is to ask the guy out or ask him to dance with you. For a bunch of middle school students, us lil' heffas were vicious. Everybody wanted Paul, LaRon, Keith, Deon, Derrick, Mike Mike, DeQuan, and Justus (the last 2 got thrown in because they had BIG FEET! Yeah we knew about it back then too *snicker*) . One girl even chased MikeMike to the boy's bathroom trying to get him to dance with her. smh When we were little, eeeeverybody wanted to play "house" with MikeMike.... and it was always night time.

Anywho, Mike and I started looking at each other a lil' different than before. I was developing boobs (Scratch that. I woke up, and there they were!), and he grew taller and had peach fuzz on his face. Even though we were starting to like each other, we promised to remain friends. Okay, HE promised to remain friends! I didn't. Well, since no one knew what was up between me and him, we just did that cousins-brother-sister thing. I walked up and was about to ask him to dance..... before I could get the words out of my mouth, here come Monie! By the way, Monie has always had an ONION for an azz.

How about this heffa walked up to Mike, turned her back to him, and hit the floor doing the splits....then STARTED BOUNCING!!!!

*big huge sigh*

Mike was mesmorized, and I've been in the friend zone ever since. That.was.the LAST.straaaaw!
From that point on, I was getting her back in every legal way imaginable.

-I put purple ink on her yellow miniskirt, so she'd look like she booboo'd on herself
-I put jalepeno pepper juice in her cucumber eye cream.
-I hid her accounting book, so she had to pay a fine for losing it.
-I wrote a letter to this goober looking boy and told him she thought he was fly.
-I didn't tell my mom that Monie was allergic to eggs when she made her special meatloaf.
-I hid her needles when she tried to sew her weave back in.
-I put alcohol in her feminine wash bottle. (I'm sorry.....but it was funny.... she walked around looking like she had something "stuck")
-When she tried to steal this one girl's boyfriend, and the girl came looking for her...... I told the girl where to find her.

Whaattt?!

She pissed me off!

It wasn't until a couple of years ago, when my Aunt passed away, that she and I got close. She couldn't contact my dad to give him the news of her mother's death, so she called me. I took a few days leave to go and be with her. We were packing up her mom's stuff when she says "Yanno Tiki, when we were growing up, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to BE you! You had the fun toys, the cool friends, you were the double-dutch queen in the neighborhood (until E'Toi moved around the corner), your mom always let you go to the skating rink, and Mike thought your were the best thing since peanut butter and jelly, and was always repeating something you said. I wanted to be like you, until you went into the Marine Corps, because you never come home, and I can't STAND for people to tell me what to do".

Despite every thing she rattled off, all I heard was MIKE!

All I could say was "I'm sorry". Y'all know if I told her everything I did to her, we would've been fighting at Auntie's funeral.

My Aunt was plagued with medical problems from the time I left home, until the time she passed away. Monie was by her mother's side through everything! Chemotherapy. Dialysis. Kidney transplant.... you name it. Monie bought a home and moved her mom in. Monie got her degree by doing classes online, just so she could be closer to her mother. Now that she's gone, Monie married her long time boyfriend..... who just happens to be Mike's cousin.

And last night, she gave birth to an 8 lb 14 oz baby girl.... at the same hospital, she and I were born at.

She put her life on hold to look after her mother. That right there, is some dedication fo' real! You can't put a price on that! I think I'll pop in and see about her when I head back home.